What to do during a divorce

• Secure proper legal representation (retain a local attorney who specializes in domestic law).

• Follow your attorney's advice.

• Cancel credit cards and terminate joint bank accounts, preserving marital property. Consider temporarily suspending payments to IRA's and 401K's etc. But do not cancel or suspend any insurance coverages of either your spouse or kids.

• Gather up your financial records, including tax returns, notes, deeds, title certificates, and other legal papers, and deliver them to your attorney so that he may properly utilize discovery procedures. Family hospitalization and therapy teatment records may also become important.

• Do not involve yourself in domestic disputes. Do not touch, push, hit, or threaten your partner. If you cannot control your temper, take time-outs and stay away from him or her. If the police are called one of you will be hand-cuffed and taken to jail. Cease any alcohol or non-prescription drug use immediately.

• Obtain a restraining order from the County Court if you are in fear of physical violence. Or we can obtain one from the District Court within the dissolution proceeding.

• Insulate the children from the marital conflict. Do not disparage the other party in front of a child. The damage done is insurmountable and takes years of therapy which with to deal, studies indicate antisocial behaviors in the long term.

• Advise; and keep advised, your support group and family. Be prepared to move to another residence if necessary.

• Do not move out of the marital residence unless legally or physically forced to do so. Take your most valuable possessions with you when you leave.

• Obtain and keep receipts for all support paid towards the children. Checks and money orders, only, no cash payments without signed receipts.

• Attempt to be civil and do not escalate the issues in your divorce action.

• Keep a diary of events.

There some things you should never do:

• Don't skimp on legal help.

• Don't just move out of your home. Unless you fear physical harm, talk to your lawyer before you make your move.

• Don't try to do it all. Some cases do need experts like accountants, appraisers, etc. Thinking you can do these things on your own can be counterproductive.

• Don't share a lawyer with your spouse. This scenario presents a huge conflict of interest. Most lawyers won't do it, and it could borderline on malpractice.

• Don't make revenge the goal of the divorce. "It's really like a business transaction ... if you use the process to vent anger and try to get revenge, then you wind up impoverishing yourself and making your lawyer rich," Finnerty says.

• Don't compare your divorce to another divorce. Each case has its own set of facts, with its own personality.

• Don't bad-mouth your spouse to your children. It can backfire on you in ways you don't expect.

• Don't just think about your actions, but also consider the impact they can have in a case. For example, don't write a letter you would mind being read in a courtroom.

• A divorce will affect you legally, financially and emotionally. Although deciding to divorce isn't easy, taking the time to incorporate these do's and don'ts can make the process -- and its financial and emotional consequences -- as uncomplicated as possible.

For a free and confidential legal consultation, call (262) 783-7711 or email us.